Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
