i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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