Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
