guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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