just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
