i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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