I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
