I'm sorry my penis didn't work
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
