Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
