He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
