dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
