I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
