this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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