I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
