had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
