I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
