I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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