at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
my liver is dry heaving
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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