i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
