There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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