Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
