i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize