I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
