just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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