if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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