Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
