Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
