Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
