we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
