im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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