It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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