her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Also, beer. Big fan.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
