Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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