went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
