been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
