Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
