I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
