hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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