her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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