Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
