wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
