I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
