dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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