you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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