He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
