I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
