My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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