fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
