i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
