never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
vagina is talking i cant
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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