she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
