I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
