Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
